Anxiety at its finest…

Yearly Competencies.

Basically that’s when the ems company I work for tests our skills as EMTs.

Was I nervous? Of course. This is testing how I handle situations in life threatening emergencies and whether I make the right choices in patient care.

Now, I’m sure people have doubted me from the beginning from when I began volunteering, through emt school, and even now. I’ve always thought that people don’t take me seriously even though this is what I want to do with my life.

And hell, I even doubt myself. I get nervous to make a mistake that could hurt a person even more then they’re already hurting.

I’ll even admit I’ve made a few mistakes. I’m human sue me.

But this is just my mind at work. I’m constantly paranoid about what people think because I always want people to think the best of me and want them to be able to trust my judgement. I’m an even bigger people pleaser and it drives me nuts to even suspect someone doesn’t like me.

Do I let that show? Maybe sometimes. I’m not a confrontational person so I don’t blatantly ask someone if they like me or not. Most of the time I just let it eat me alive inside and put up a good front. The farthest I go is to make a statement like “I think so and so hates me” to someone else to see if they’ll reassure me or not (it’s pathetic I know).

Now I’m getting off topic.

Competencies weren’t as difficult as I thought. Theres (obviously) nothing to compare to a real call when the tones go out, blood pressure goes up, and you have to walk into that job cool calm and collected ready to expect anything.

Glad to say after all my anxiety, I passed competencies so leave you with this quote below.

Until next time,

T

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